Here goes the Best of the best damn quotes of 2006.. Really funny..
10. “Just a big clump of dirt”
If ever we should have had a pro athlete hooked up to a polygraph during a postgame interview, it sure would have been fun to watch the lines squiggle madly as Kenny Rogers answered the following question after Game 2 of the World Series:
Reporter: “Just for the record, what was on your hand in the first inning and how did you take it off and why?”
The poker-faced Gambler responded, “Uh, it was a big clump of dirt and I went and wiped it off after the first. I didn’t know it was there until afterwards. And then they told me, and I took it off … no big deal.”
9. Kobe Beef
Even Kobe Bryant haters have to admit he’s almost as entertaining in front of a mike as he is with the game on the line. While thousands of coaches and athletes have trotted out thousands of tired cliches regarding regrouping, moving on and putting a bad loss behind them, Kobe provided an inspired analogy after the Lakers lost to the Suns in Game 6 of their playoff series last May.
“After you go to the bathroom, you don’t just stand there and look at what you just dropped in there for all night long. At some point you gotta flush it, man.”
8. “I am such an idiot”
When you come to the 72nd hole of the U.S. Open needing par to win and make not one but two mental mistakes to lose outright with a double bogey, well, Phil Mickelson said it best.
“I still am in shock that I did that. I just can’t believe that I did that. I am such an idiot.”
7. Blue language to defend an Orangeman
All athletes wish their coaches felt about them the way Jim Boeheim felt about his senior point guard at a press conference after Gerry McNamara’s Big East tourney heroics in March.
“Without Gerry MacNamara, we wouldn’t have won 10 (bleepin’) games this year. Not 10,” said Boeheim after the Syracuse student paper labeled his point guard overrated. “It’s the most bull(bleep) thing I’ve seen in 30 years.”
6. “The whole world love Peyton Manning”
Last year NFL officials had their worst postseason since they started using replay, lowlighted by Pete Morelli’s bewildering overturn of a Troy Polamalu interception that teed off teammate Joey Porter.
“I mean, I know they wanted Indy to win this game, the whole world love Peyton Manning, but c’mon, man, don’t take the game away from us like that. And with that play right there they tried to take the game away from us.”
5. “He’s always be a garbage”
Even through his oft-baffling Spenglish, White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen was able to convincingly convey his feelings about Chicago Sun Times writer Jay Mariotti.
“Jay’s a piece of (bleep) … he’s a garbage and he’s always be a garbage and he always will be a garbage.”
4. Kobe dismisses Raja
In Casablanca, Peter Lorre asks Humphrey Bogart if he despises him and Bogey says, “If I gave you any thought, I probably would.” This is the level of dismissive disdain that Kobe Bryant dropped on Raja Bell in a jujitsu sound bite response as the pair warred on the court and through the media last May.
“Does he know me? Do I know this guy? I don’t know this guy. I might have said one word to this guy. I don’t know this kid … I don’t need to know this kid. I don’t want to… Maybe he wasn’t hugged enough as a kid.”
The real twist of the dagger was that even though Kobe referred to Bell multiple times as “this kid,” Bryant is two years younger than Bell. Brilliant on so many levels.
3. Lamar Thomas “Talkin’ Noise”
Perhaps not realizing he was watching the absolute low point in the history of the Miami football program, TV analyst and former Hurricane Lamar Thomas had the following take on the team’s brawl with Florida International.
“Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about. You come into our house you should get your behind kicked… You can’t come over to our place talkin’ noise like that. You get your butt beat. I was about to go down in that elevator and get in that thing.”
2. Big Hurt feelings
In case Frank Thomas was wondering if he’d ever see a statue of himself outside U.S. Cellular Field, White Sox GM Kenny Williams may have provided a clue in a pointed sound bite that called the Big Hurt an idiot (twice) and questioned his manhood.
“Believe me, it’s not easy to deal with an idiot. And this man over the course of the years has tried my patience … and if he was any kind of a man he could quit talking about things in the paper and return a phone call or come knock on someone’s door … He’s an idiot, he’s selfish and that’s why we don’t miss him.”
1. “The Bears are who we thought they were”
This was Dennis Green’s “the buck stops somewhere over there” press conference. He was clearly furious. At the offensive coordinator he subsequently demoted. At the gathered media for having the audacity to suggest that the Bears were very good (“If you want to crown them, then crown their ass!”). And, of course, at the podium itself just for being there. No word on whether Green later looked in the mirror and said, “You are what I thought you were.” ( A coach who is 20-40 in his last four seasons.)
When the Cardinals followed their epic collapse against the Bears with three straight double-digit losses to the Raiders, Packers and Cowboys, how great would it have been if someone on one those teams had just said, “The Cardinals are who we thought they were.”